As I get older, the changes in my body can bring about effects that are not exactly fun. Lately, it’s been insomnia. Last week it got pretty bad, each night waking up many times and often staying awake for hours afterward. Every night as we head to bed, my wonderful husband prays for me regarding my sleep issues. One particular night after his prayer, having had several bad nights in a row, I spent some time (as I listened to Jim’s deep breathing next to me) silently crying out to Father for a good sleep. It turned out to be one of my worst nights yet.
Needless to say, I wasn’t too happy the next morning, and it wasn’t just the rotten feeling of little sleep that was eating me; I was a bit unhappy with God (okay, maybe more than a bit). As is my habit, I poured my frustrations out to Him, then just sat there in my anger. It was silent for a moment, almost as if God was saying, “Are you quite through?” Then He spoke in that sweet and gentle way that He does. He asked me if I believed Romans 8:28, that He causes ALL things to work for good for His children. He reminded me of the promise of Psalm 139, that He is always with me and never leaves me. I did believe those things… didn’t I? Then the realization came that what I really believed was that because I am God’s child, if I ask Him to fix something, then He should fix it (and right now, thank you very much). But that’s not what those scripture verses say; they speak of trusting Him, in whatever is happening in my life, that He is always working for my good and holding me in His hands. Oh, He does still want me to ask Him for things, and many times He just takes care of whatever it is, but if He doesn’t do that, He wants me to trust Him that He has a reason for holding back what I’m asking of Him and to rest in His love that is allowing it for my good. Even if I never know why something happened, He wants me to live in the assurance that He is always working, and He misses nothing and wastes nothing.
That night, sleep was rough, but I had a peace that I hadn’t had before, and the Lord gave me everything I needed for the day. The next night, I had a great sleep — just in time for the next challenge. While out running that morning, I tripped and fell hard and fast on the sidewalk. I scraped my knee, jammed my finger, bruised my shoulder, and finally came down hard on my head, severely scraping up my cheek and forehead! Having nothing broken, I ran the mile back home being quite careful to pick up my feet (I am bad about that). Seeing the damage in the mirror and feeling the pain in my body, I asked God why. He didn’t tell me. But the lesson from my sleep situation had taken root, because I knew I didn’t need to know unless God wanted to tell me. He has me in His hands and is always working everything for my good.
There is so much peace in the place of resting in God’s care. As His child, may He give you that assurance too so that you can live in peace. If you haven’t yet given your life to this wonderful God, I pray you will do so today because there is nothing better than knowing God is holding you.